Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Ten O'Clock Thoughts

Well, my plan for tonight was to fill in some details from our trip, but I'm not sure where the camera is stashed and I don't want to go looking for it since it could very well be in Ethan's room. I sat and stared at the computer screen trying to come up with something, but couldn't settle. My mind was full of thoughts and seemingly blank all at the same time. So I'm trying the "just type and something will come out" method.

I'm had some special reminders of my mission lately. It brings out some interesting (mostly good) emotions and instills a desire in me to do more. I have a certain letter that I really really need to write. I feel the need to study my scriptures more in depth. I want to make myself more available to serve others. But truth be told, I haven't acted very much on those desires yet. So far, I've just had some really good conversations and done some pondering.

I'm really looking forward to General Conference this weekend. That's another link back to my mission, because although I have long valued the time we have to listen to living prophets, my appreciation and wonder increased greatly on my mission.

I have been enjoying motherhood even more than usual the past couple days. Today especially. Ethan has recovered completely. The whininess is gone. Well, except for the usual evening fusses. But we really had so much fun today and I just could not believe how good and cute he is. I wonder how I'll be able to love our other, future children as much, but I know I will. I remember Terral expressing that kind of wonder shortly after Ethan was born, but I didn't feel the same way. As odd as it might sound, I went into next baby mode pretty darn quick after giving birth. When we called my parents to let them know another grandchild had been born, my dad asked me if I'd do it again tomorrow. I said maybe not so soon, but secretly I was thinking I would. Part of me wanted to do it again before I forgot what it was all like and was again used to a body that didn't hurt. But now more than enough time has passed for that to happen, and my love for our son has just grown and grown. And it's a little difficult to imagine what it will be like to have another baby. But I am looking forward to it whenever the time comes. It's just another example of the multitude of reasons I am grateful my life is in the hands of One who knows so much better than I.

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